Seeing Red

One of my treasured possessions is the picture book for older readers, The Red Tree, by Shaun Tan. It is a beautifully illustrated book: an artwork comprised of many artworks, each reflecting a profound understanding of the mental health challenge of the 21^st century: depression. If you are unfamiliar, here is the book in video form from Youtube:

Shaun Tan's The Red Tree

The first time I became aware of the book was when I attended a Masterclass given by Tan at the Queensland Writer’s Centre before it was even published. I remember him showing the attendees a picture of the artwork from the page "then all your troubles come at once" and being impressed by everything about it: the composition, the use of colour, the way he applied the paint and importantly, the message that it sent. Tan talked about the importance of the illustrations in a book, the need for the text to sit between the illustrations and about the importance of books for older readers in a digital age. His subsequent success as a writer and illustrator is legendary with an Oscar for his animated version of the Lost Thing.

"Darkness overcomes you"

It was an inspiring class and I was impressed not only by Tan’s talent but also by the man himself. It was easily 20 years ago and back then he was unassuming, generous and eager to share his knowledge about the publishing industry. It made me want to write and illustrate books for older readers as well.

Fast forward twenty odd years and I still haven’t done that. Like many of you I suffer badly from imposter syndrome and often I avoid putting my work out there in case it is rejected. I have a reasonable CV as an artist, but I still haven’t achieved everything I would like to creatively.

In the last twelve months or so, and particularly this year, I have been becoming increasingly despondent about life in general. Professionally, as well as personally, I feel like I have not performed very well. Things have been going pear shaped like when I wrote a non-fiction book which was accepted for publication but then the publishers went out of business before it could be published and I lost my mojo again.

As you would know if you have followed my blogs this year, I have been plagued by a series of unfortunate events. In January, my Dad, who has dementia, suffered a critical and life-threatening illness. His health has declined significantly since. In the aftermath of that, we had TC Alfred which blew a tree into our house, damaging it significantly and forcing us to vacate to a rental property – very confronting from a personal and professional point of view. Then, just when I thought I was starting to get back on track, I fell over and broke my arm. And finally, a week ago, one of my beloved cats passed away.

Combined with events on a more global scale – I have found it hard not to just sit in a corner and cry. Actually, I have done exactly that on a number of occasions. When I pulled out my copy of The Red Tree, I felt the same resonance I did when I first read it. I relate to every single page of the book – the way that Tan describes depression visually is exactly the way that I feel.

As an INFJ personality type (Myers Briggs) I am apparently insightful, principled, passionate, altruistic and creative but also sensitive to criticism, reluctant to open up, perfectionistic, avoid the ordinary and prone to burnout. Yes indeed. Injustice bothers me and I have a ridiculously deep inner life. So given what has been going on in my own world and that at large, it is little wonder that I am feeling a bit worse for wear.

When I was doing my doctorate, my cohort was encouraged by a senior academic to "follow our red thread". Marcus Buckingham defines a “red thread” as something you love to do, that puts you in “the zone”—an almost spiritual state. Many times, you may be looking for the big opportunity or the big “ah ha” to catapult your career forward; but Buckingham said “red threads” are more subtle than that. They are tiny threads in the “quilt” of your work, not the whole entity. According to Buckingham, you can weave these threads together to make something beautiful. If you are unsatisfied with the “quilt” of your work life, look for the “red threads”—the tiny elements that bring you joy—and determine how to weave more of those throughout your day.

Red Thread

Similarly, Tan's book features a small read leaf on every page. It is often the only bright spot in pages featuring dull greys or frightening images. The red leaf in The Red Tree, symbolises hope - the tiny bit of good that we can find in even our worst days if we care to look. The colour red often represents danger and warning, but equally can represent the importance of something, warmth and light. In Asian cultures (where Tan's ancestry lies), red can symbolise happiness, good luck, prosperity and good fortune. In many cultures it is the colour of love and passion.

"reflection"

A friend of mine has, in the last week, been diagnosed with at best a life-altering and at worst life-threatening illness. I spoke to her yesterday, expecting the conversation to add to my maudlin state. But it didn’t. In the midst of her suffering, she was thankful, optimistic and reiterated the need to put herself first for a change. That is what the Red Tree is comprised of – little leaves of mindfulness, gratitude, taking the time to enjoy simple pleasures in life, standing or sitting in the sun and appreciating nature. She taught me again to look for and find a red leaf, even if I can't see the whole tree.

"just as you imagined it would be"

So I need to focus on red - red leaves and red threads. I need to concentrate on what brings me joy, puts me in the zone and enables me to find purpose. And just like Tan's protagonist in the The Red Tree, I will find the tree, right where it should be. Beneath it, I will endeavour to weave my red quilt. May you also see red in these trying times.